watering dead plants
Stop reaching out first, and you’ll notice how many dead plants you’re watering.
I am a plant killer. I cannot keep a plant alive to save my life.
I begin to water a plant during its last stage of life. I supply it with sufficient amounts of water, place it in the sunlight, and watch it daily. When the plant finally dies, I buy another one. This time, I know better. I’ll take better care of it.
Like the last plant, and the one before it, they all die and I’m stuck in this endless cycle of watering dead plants and not getting anywhere.
Dead plants aren’t the only things I’m watering in my life.
I reach out to people who no longer show interest.
I reach out to those who do not reciprocate my efforts.
I reach out first.
I reach out fast.
I am that idiot that replies in 0.2 seconds after being left on read for 11 hours.
Reaching out has become exhausting.
So, I decided to stop reaching out.
My phone is dry.
My notifications have dried up and I no longer see the point of having a phone.
What’s the point of paying $75 a month for my phone bill only to take photos and play Subway Surfers; I can do that on an iPod.
Being an empath has its downsides. I feel obligated to reach out to others in hopes that I may play a part in their lives.
They have moved on but I still carry a speck of hope, just in case.
Deep down, I want to be included.
Deep down, I know the truth.
I break my own heart, but I still continue the cycle of reaching out and being there.
The hard pill to swallow:
People who want to be in your life will put in the effort. A relationship shouldn’t be one sided. You deserve people who reciprocate your efforts.
As I harshly swallow this pill:
I will water my own plants.
I will be kind to myself.
I will be patient and I will learn to enjoy my own company.
Once you learn to enjoy your own company, no one can take that away from you. At the end of the day, you are all you have.
And nothing is more attractive than an individual who doesn’t need the company of others to thrive.
But still…
I envy the individuals who are so at peace, they do not need the presence of others nor the validation of the world to thrive. They find pure joy within their daily activities. Although eccentric to the outside world, it is absolutely exquisite to them.
